Alienated

Well, at the end of the day, I have to accept I'm depressed. I don't think it is a severe one cause I still go to work and half-assed it, and I don't curl up like a baby and cry all day long. It's safe to say I almost don't remember when I was motivated or had passion or even any emotion about anything. And I mean even sad ones. I just don't get to feel any of them, bad or good.

My cope mechanism is just not doing anything and sleep. It's a way to temporarily forget it but soon or later you gotta wake up in the morning. And here we go again. Same misery on a loop you can't escape. Another day and I have to drag myself through it just to get home. Lay down and at the best entertain some ideas in my head as to what should I do to make it better but they remain as ideas. Is it laziness to stay like this? Actually I don't have much remorse against not doing anything anymore. I feel bad about being stuck it makes it damn harder sometimes but I don't deliberately beat myself up about it. Cause I know it's, not intentional and I'm not in a healthy situation and the last thing I need is another negative voice.

My daily life is not helping either. I just don't have enough energy to take care of myself and my situation just sucks. I don't shower I don't clean my room and acnes came back. When you know it's bad but you just can't help it makes it even more of a mess.

I need to take care of myself.